I'm Not Me

This is a theory that I've had for a while and while it doesn't make the best of sense when you say it outloud, it bothers me. I call it the Clone Theory where there is multiple versions of me that have taken place throughout the eighteen years I have "lived,". It's weird to think about this one, but I went over the Silver Penny theory and that one is just as weird as this one. That one could explain this theory and this one could explain that one.

I died. Like, when I drown when I was younger. At that moment I went under the water and didn't come back up. Instead my parents, or someone else, made a new version of me with memories of my past life, but I wasn't the same. Suddenly, I forgot how to tie my shoes or didn't like something I liked before. Looking back, there are moments in time that are blurry and some moments that are wrong all together.

I have memories that never happened, and then I also have blank spaces in my memory. I even have memories of watching myself do something. I have this one where I'm watching a fire, but in the memory I can see myself watching it. Like, I was someone else watching the past version of me do that. Could my memories be fake? I can't explain my memories and it freaks me out to think that I'm not the original me.

I have this memory of riding a bike. Except I never learned. I wouldn't know what to do if I could... and I can't because I always been too scared to. Still, is that memory, like other memories, in my head that is just as strong as a memory I just made half an hour ago. I remember the feeling of the wind. Yet I also know for a matter of a fact that I never learned to ride one. It's like that was another me's memories leaking through.

The other possibility is that I've just lived many lives. According to Jason, I been alive at least fourteen times now. Every other time I'm alive and Jason is a voice in my head, or vise versa for when I die. I don't know how much I believe that, but it is possible that the world is rebooted every time I die. Like, until I get things right time will just keep resetting on me. That's a little crazy, as it's a wild card, but it's still possible.

My point on the bike memory is that I remember every detail of it. The wind, the bike, and the area around me. Except it never happened. And, as a writer I struggle to come up with detail myself. I can hardly remember the moment that happened five minites ago in as much detail as I can this memory. Almost as if... it's staged. It's almost as if it doesn't belong to me. Like, it's not MY memory. It's almost as if... I'm not me.