Bye, Bye Caged Birdy

Ever had a small bird that is always caged? Trapped within those gray bars, unable to fly back to it's family, even after escape will never truly taste freedom again? Forever wearing the tag of it's imprisonment for the world to see. Some birds embrace it, some fear it's very existence. Some birds can't take it, some birds are strong. My mother is a bird who despite claiming her tag has made her stronger has forever made her a caged animal.

In 2007 my mother went to jail for stealing money from the local school, and returned to a prison in 2010 for the same crime. Sense I have decided that I wish to become the person I want to be instead of what the world has made me I have been getting all these feelings and flashbacks of things I have pushed into a small box and buried in the back yard... ten miles deep. But, of course everything comes up eventually. So now I must deal with them.

It got me wondering if the only way for me to get over it and for my mom to be set free is for me to release her. I know it sounds a little odd but is it possible what's holding us back is I am attaching onto it? Maybe, we need to talk about it and deal with the situation. The thing is with the undergoing move and the fact my step sister is moving out this evening now may not be the right time. So instead I decided to lay down for a little while.

I wake up in the middle of dawn, a beautify blue where the snow is shinning as swirls in the sky spin slowly around. The moon rested nicely looking down on me like my guardian angel. But, within a second of hesitation where I looked away I found my return view to be a bleak brown darkening sky. It started to make me think about how I'm in the middle of a storm, that moment of freedom from it's wrath was an illusion.

My step sister, whom I feel a sibling love for is moving out within the next few hours. The next time I slip down stairs she may already be gone. It's not the time to pin her down or try to waste her remaining seconds away. She is a sweet innocent girl woman who I've spent the last four years with, slowly finding my self to trust and rely on her. But, we're all a bird and now I must let her fly away. The only thing I can say or do is tell her goodbye. Wither she comes back is up to the wind, up to the storm around us, and up to her willingness.

In order to release the people you love you have to accept that goodbye is inevitable. In order to set my mother free I have to accept these feelings I'm having, wither we talk it out or not. The only real way to let her free is to let go. In the end that's all that matter. So it's all about letting this feelings in and dealing with them whichever I must. If that means talking it out then it does, if it means using other methods those work too. The only way to free a caged bird is to free yourself.