That One About Sexuality

I'm seriously confused on sexuality. I think I have a crush on an actor who's brilliant, funny, and amazing. Damian McGinty is his name. Okay, so his character is and I have no idea about his real life personally but..  I think I may be gay and that's the reason Reed and I connected so much while Gem and I didn't.


It all started when I begun to watch the show Glee a few weeks back, and it's becoming the center of my sexuality. With many sexual girl scenes, I didn't find any of it interesting. But, when this little green leprechaun jumped into my life and now I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe I want so badly for my sexuality to be something real that I'm falling for yet another false alarm, but this one feels real.

Everyone wants me to be straight, so is this my way of rebelling? Or perhaps I just really like the actor like an online friend suggested. I remember really liking an actor, Allison Mack, in the past which made me think I was straight. Or perhaps I felt like I had to like her much like I had with Gem. I want so badly for my sexuality to be decided upon, for me to know, but does it really matter?

My friend Poseidon told me he envies me for my capability to be happy without a relationship in my life. While that is true I wish I had something to get excited about or someone to fall for. I can't get Reed out of my head despite him being out of my life forever. Much like Imagine Dragons song "On Top of the World," where I'm at the top of the world, at the edge, but I'm all alone. Deep down I want to be straight or gay so I can at least have hope of loving someone one day. I let Reed go and now I'm unsure if I'll ever have the chance to find out again.