Down the Hatch

It's time. I've told the tale of the traveling jacket. I've explored my sexuality, religion, and secrets for all the internet to read. But, one thing I've completely left out is the time I tried alcohol and went too far. I mentioned it in one of my very first blogs over seven months ago.

Now don't start ranting about how drinking beer underage is against the law. I'm completely aware. It was wrong of me to do, and I regret every moment of it. But, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. No matter how much you want something to just go away, it can't. Everything that has ever happened is forever written in stone where nothing can ever change it.

It started when my cousins were heading to a small party of about ten people and decided to invite me. At first my obvious answer was a huge, "no," as drinking wasn't really my thing. But, I had a little idea that if I drank enough that the voice in my head would go away. It was worth a shot and perhaps I could make a few new friends too? It all went horribly wrong, and I got what I deserved.

When we arrived nobody was around except the two brothers who owned the house. I was handed a bottled beer and told to drink it. I took a few sips, it tasted terrible. Already my nerves were making me sick to my stomach. After a few hours people started to arrive and I downed a few of those and a few fruity drinks. I pulled out my phone and ran to the bathroom to call home and I tried this multiple times throughout the night, but I couldn't get an service.

I was trapped. Jason was only getting louder in my head. I just couldn't take all the pain and all the lemons that's been threw my way the past few years so I let loose and shotgun a beer. Now I started to feel dizzy and down the hatch went more beer. At some point it became a time where I lost count. I started to have some fun and eventually I crashed on the floor... then the puking started. On and off of throwing up for twelve hours.

So while I learned that drinking doesn't in fact help with mental illness, doesn't make you more popular, doesn't earn you any new friends, and isn't worth it I have to remember that I did have some fun and perhaps when I'm twenty one I'll attempt drinking in moderation for the right reasons. If there ever is a next time I'll know to be more careful, do it with the right people, and to do to have some fun and let loose instead of absolutely snapping. I just worry what my next "snapped," moment will be.