Eat the Bullet

A couple of days ago I had this paranoia that someone was going to shoot me in the back of the head. I was in the car, way in the back while my mom or step dad drove, and the entire car ride I felt scared. Then my step dad said something about being strong without knowing how I was feeling and told me sometimes you have to "eat the bullet," which got me thinking that they had hired someone to take me out. It seemed too coincidental that I was afraid someone would shoot me and then he said that...

I never felt like that before. I been so scared that I had to check all the doors, under the beds, etc for anyone hiding or trying to get in. I have had the voice in my head, named Jason, telling to me to leave and trying to convince me that I was loved. I had flashes of terrible things happening such as a brute fire and then being terrified in would happen. But, nothing like this. I felt like I was dreaming, but I wasn't.

It was like I was in my own world. I tried to tell my mom I was scared and when my parents went into a building I felt like I was trapped. I couldn't leave the car as I was told to stay, which just scared me even more. I was laying down in the backseat unable to sit up for most of the car ride. Once I was alone I forced myself to sit up, but that just made it worse. Suddenly, everyone around the car could be carrying a weapon. The man standing behind the mailbox, the other man with someone in his hands I couldn't see, or the woman who took an awfully long time getting her purse out of her car.

Finally, when I was home I came down my from my fear. I want to tell my doctor that I see in a month, or the social security people that I see tomorrow, but I'm afraid they'll admit me. What happens if this happens again? What if I do something out of fear? Something bad? I was a little worried to eat dinner that night that my family was going to poison me. Suddenly, I didn't trust them anymore. It took the rest of the day for that wear off, when they all ate the same food as me, for me to truly be okay. My worry about getting worse could come true.  Do I tell someone or keep this to myself for a little while?