The Inevitable Breakup

Some things are on a crash course from the very start of a relationship, some things will never work. In my case Gem and I couldn't ever handle a relationship when we both struggle with physical and mental disabilities. At this current state it appears as if neither of us will be able to hold onto a job or to take care of ourselves in the normal way. It's nearly impossible to decide what to do but in the end I came to the realizing that I don't want to be with Gem. I want to be with somebody else, though it'll never happen, and I was trying to find those parts I like of that person in Gem. But, it isn't there.

Last week and online friend of mine and I got into a pretty huge fight that ending in us parting ways. It led me to that fact that all relationships let it be online, friends, family, sexual, or love come to an end. In the end everyone has to break up, it's inevitable. It's somewhat scary to let go of someone you've held onto for all these years but usually it's for the better. As much as it hurts it's required for the story to move forward. Except sometime you also need to break up with yourself.

When you come to the realization that the current you has grown old and tiresome. In the end it's not even you anymore. So you re-event yourself into who you want to be and for a while it works. That's exactly what I did recently which is working wonders. I'm making new friends, connecting more with Virus and Zeus, but letting go of those that represent the past me. The connection Gem and I once had doesn't exist anymore.

For all my endings I listed in "Cut and Finish," they could still happen except "The Girl," isn't Gem at all. That doesn't mean that Gem doesn't push me into the direction of one of those other possible endings. Sometimes I forget that others around me impact my life in ways I can't even imagine. If I wasn't eating lunch with Gem the past few weeks I would have been with my friend and impacted his life in a different way. Maybe, Zeus wouldn't be heading down a dark path that I can't stop. I'm worried about him, but there isn't much I can do for I support him through anything. Well, until Zeus and I "breakup" as well.

Everything must come to an end let it be Zeus, Gem, Jason, and/or the past version of me. Something else must come to an end as well - this story in whole. At some point in the near future it will come to a conclusion if I like it or not. One of those endings will be picked and fate will be sealed. In the end of things, everything is on a crash course. It's just a matter of when it lands.