Cut and Finish

Well guys that's a wrap, it's the end of my story. I mean it could have only ended one of a few ways anyway so is this way really wrong? Taking in all the possible endings finding only a few of which actually ended up a "happily ever after," but those ignore the basic facts that wouldn't make any of them work. It's true that every story ends in death one way or another but taking the short end and forcing the story to dry out before it even hits a climax is cheating the story completely. But, is that so bad?

About a month ago I got thinking about how suicide isn't the answer and how all it does is add the suffering to someone else. By taking away your own pain you're adding it to others. Bringing this up to my cousin she replied in a very questionable way, "Isn't it selfish for those other people to force someone to suffer for their own happiness?" and thus the long stressful next couple weeks were trying to figure out if suicide is really wrong. So where else to turn but to my friends Zeus and Virus? 

Zeus explained to me how he dealt with the feelings of suicide at such a tender age making deals with others who felt the same way. That if one goes, they both go, and neither would want to risk the other. Meanwhile Virus was upset about the topic bringing back friends of hers who have attempted to take their lives. Both were very heartfelt conversations but neither really explained if suicide was truly a bad thing? Sure, it's the end of a life but it's also the ending of suffering. The real question is if it's worth the pain to get to that possibly happily ever after. When it boils down to me I have to look at some of the possible endings I could have;

The Mental Ward 

This one isn't very likely that I'll be admitted forever, but that doesn't mean it isn't my fate. At this pace I'm getting much worse at a progressive rate, even considering committing myself right now. If I was a permanent resident I wouldn't have much of a life or would be a medication filled zombie that is a hollow shell of my former self. Where I would be as good as dead. 

The Disability Check 

Currently my mom is working on getting me signed in with disability where I may reside for the rest of my life depending on my mental state, even then I could struggle to keep a job as a high function autistic struggling with the most simple of tasks. I wouldn't have much money to spend on things I want, let alone need, or be able to visit my friends. Eventually the only people I'd see if some family members every so often until they stop visiting and the nurse that I may have depending on the severeness of my disability. 

The Virus Effect 

Let's say for a second that I could get into the college I want and stay out of mental hospitals for a second. I could live around Virus and we could be real life friends which she completely agrees would be awesome. In the perfect ending Zeus would join me and we would keep being best friends. Our friends even ship Virus and I from time to time, meaning wanting us to be in a relationship, which in the perfect ending could happen. But, unrealistic. 

The Author Achievement

Through everything I have done in my life, I could write a book either nonfiction or fiction and sell millions. At this current point in my life I'm unsure what I want in life, but a few months ago I was sworn on being an author. I practice writing usually on a daily basis at least until my depression hit and I've found myself stuck pulling down any co-workings with friends to a dead standpoint. It's still a possibility. 

The World Takeover 

The Voice in my head either takes control of me, my baby brother, or somehow breaks free and takes over the world. This has got to be the most crazy of all the endings except totally plausible. I don't have an inch of proof of Jason being non-existent while I have bags full of evidence otherwise. Of course none of that is laid out facts I can show people, most of which would have to be taken from my word and trust. 

The Girl 

So like many stories, even ones that takes place in real life, have some sort of love story. Except mine is a little more complicated. There is a girl - like in every other tale - except I don't really want to be with her. Sure, I can say that I like her to an extent but not enough to want to wrap up the story with. Still... having brought her back in my life as a friend sort of changes things. I wouldn't call it out though I wouldn't 'ship' anything just yet. 

The Changer 

In this possible ending I actually do something that changes the world in some way, possibly even this blog. Perhaps, I'll make some predictions about the future or finally master time travel. Except nobody really believes me about my problems and nobody really cares about my opinions. If anything my change would only take place long after my death. Even then, like my friend Zeus once stated as much as I want to be a changer I will only be a floater, a believer, a nobody. 

The Corrupted Soul 

As most of my readers (if I have any) know I am a pretty innocent person unable to lie, curse, or steal despite the temptations. But, one of the possibly endings on this list is the darkness to overtake me and turn me into the monster I fear most. Something I'd rather never mention on this blog or to another of the living because it opens up a new category of possible endings. 

The Death 

Either through suicide or accidentally getting myself killed this seems the most likely ending. The one that takes away my fears, my dreams, my desires, and all the other possibilities. Because suicide isn't really wrong as long as those other endings aren't really possible. If they aren't really worth it. That's something we have to decide on our own with more then a first glance. Me? I'm still figuring it out.