I came to the realization that I might have been hit by Cupid's arrows, as I'm slowly falling for Reed despite his departure into the army. I don't know much about love, but I do know this is the only thing making me feel human. Lately my mental stability has been getting worse and I even had to return home from school early.
I think about Reed more then I should for someone who isn't even in my life anymore. I sometimes find myself looking at pictures of him, as I truly do miss him. I could still be asexual, as my feelings are emotional only, but for once I have hope that I'm not. It's not that there is anything wrong with being asexual, but I'm already autistic (high functioning) and I'm starting to feel less, and less human.
People keep asking me how I am. I don't want to tell them I'm close to failing out of school, I sacrificed my chances of a four year college because I dropped Algebra 2, and I'm falling for a friend I'll never see again. I don't really want a relationship just because I might like Reed. I still wish to be alone for the rest of my life. Any dream I have of being with someone is always about a blond, but it varies from gender. Reed is partly blond. So perhaps, it's still meant to be, but the story had him leave until I was ready.
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