Endgame

Right now I'm having something I call; a Senior crisis. As next year will be my last year of high-school and I have zero idea what I'm doing with my life. What classes to take, what clubs should I join, what should I do? Never in my life have I ever had a choice of what classes to take, or even what school to go to. But, now I have that choice and I have no idea how to make them. I just want help, but I'm about to become an adult. I'm about to enter endgame. I need to grow up and make my own choices.

That doesn't help me make them. It's difficult, most of the classes don't make any sense. It took me all day to find out what "drafting," was. Now I have a few days to compile all the information required to choose my final classes possibly forever. As much as I want to go to New York University, time is not on my side. It's just not easy choosing knowing each will sculpt me into the person of tomorrow.

Endgame is a scary thing, it's the end, it's that book finally being closed. It's not like I'm turning the page, or changing the chapter. I'm changing the entire novel. New place, new people, new location, new plots. By this time next year I will be about to embark on a quest across America to meet Virus in person. Before leaving off to New York to enroll into NYU and begin the life I feel I was destined to do. But, with every ending comes a twist.

Somebody is going to die. I can feel it, it started a year ago getting stronger and stronger. I can imagine all the people in Jason's web he could hurt, all the people I wouldn't expect, and all the obvious ones such as my accident prone father. The thing is it's almost destiny, I had a recurring dream back when I was younger of my step brother murdering my father in cold blood and years later the moment was nearly recreated except poor papa Piper had a heart attack.

That's what really worries me - what is Jason's plan that is so close to unfolding? It doesn't matter if he's real or fake It depends on what I decide, and I'm not ready to make that choice. In the end if he's real, he's been real this whole time, but if not then I'm crazy. My choice will never change that fact of life no matter the outcome. But, if Jason is real then I can't help but worry what he's been up to this entire time of flowing through my brain.

That brings up a whole new addition, the future isn't what I'm afraid of. It's the present becoming the past. Once this moment is gone I know I'll never get it back. My choices don't really matter if they're swapped away before I get to make them. This entire month was never about me begging to skip, it's never about me wanting to pause the moment, it's never about me wanting to go back. It's all about me wanting to live the moments. Why make a choice if it results in nothing? Don't worry about tomorrow, worry about losing today. This moment, is the best moment, because it's still here.